Large Penis Support Group

As the 20th century sinks into twilight, the great financial engine of the American economy continues to pump its beloved wealth into the pockets of millions. And even as economic inequity seems to be growing, a substantial class of Americans are finding themselves suddenly free to do what they've always wanted to do: talk about their personal problems with other people suffering in exactly the same way.

But shrewder pieces of art than the formidable Fight Club have taken swipes at the American proclivity to start serious, questionable and outright ridiculous support groups for mental and physical health problems running the gambit from paralysis to paranoia.

Now, in the "outright ridiculous" category, the Large Penis Support Group has made its online debut.

It's arguable that the Web, with its ability to allow people to largely disregard geographic differences, has spawned more of this sort of introspective, "let's share our pain"-type dialogue than anything else. Therefore, it's probably safe to blame the Web for the LPSG, a site that to a careful observer, is not clearly a parody — and not clearly legit.

The LPSG claims to be a support group for people (well, probably men) with abnormally large male genitals, and people (anyone's guess, here) who have been injured by a supersized genital in the recent past. There's probably some sort of need for this. But the LPSG carefully toes the line between satire and sincerity. Its president, Mark Miles, credits this to the group's delayed evolution.

"Well, it started off as a joke between my friends and I, and after about six months, people started talking it seriously," Miles said, in an e-mail interview. "So from there on, I have offered it as more of a 'service' then anything else."

The site clearly betrays its fractured origins with its content. Evidence in favor of the LPSG being a legitimate support group:

1. Topics on the site include fashion, sports, events and other things that would genuinely be of interest to those naturally drawn to this online oasis of macrophallic torment.

2. The .org domain suffix immediately conveys a stately aura of realism.

3. The official looking disclaimer clearly claims the site is "not authoritative in any field of medicine," a truth consistently affirmed by the site's content.

Evidence against:

1. This introduction: "Do you have an abnormally large male genital? Have you been injured by one in the recent past?"

2. This unattributed sentence: "While it is true that 1.5% of home accidents are caused by large penis related incidents, only a small number have ever been known to be fatal."

3. This "fact," courtesy of, uh, "the modeling industry": "Moreover, approximately 90% of those without large members have stuffed their trousers for a modeling job."

So why hasn't the LPSG gone straight and removed its quesitonable content? According to Miles, "my webmaster and I both have must-pay-the-bills jobs to cotend with, so those are top priority. Not to mention the signifigant others that we both have, alot of time is spent there. But I would love the group to be taken more seriously, at the same time retaining that 'joking' atmosphere." There can be little arguing that if the site is meant to be a central rallying point for those with a serious problem, the LPSG would be well-advised to get someone with a keen sense of humor to comb its copy and rewrite all the zesty funny bits so they read like the boring, quasi-professional grey-green sludge that comprises most of the Web's self-help sites.

But in the meantime, all lovers of the Web's continual online freakshow are advised to head out and take a long hard look at the LPSG. If past Web fads are any indicator, it could get very big, very quickly.

— James Norton (jrnorton@flakmag.com)