Fastlane
Fox
With "Fastlane," a perfect example of empty-calorie television,
executive producers McG (Charlie's Angels, countless music videos) and John McNamara (Parent Trap IV: Hawaiian Honeymoon, "Brisco County, Jr.")
have created a live-action version of the moronic cop shows that Homer
Simpson loves so much. "Fastlane" stars ex-veejay Bill Bellamy and teen-movie
staple Peter Facinelli as Los Angeles police officers going deep undercover
to nab dastardly criminals. Their boss, Tiffani Thiessen, looks too young
and innocent to be a parking-meter attendant, much less the head of an
elite undercover division of the LAPD. They meet in the sexiest, most
high-tech police headquarters in the world, where they use hot recovered cars
and an iMac to fake out high-rolling baddies and take down their empires from
the inside. Facinelli and Bellamy, who have the same kind of chemistry as
Radio Shack's Teri Hatcher and Howie Long, team up after their partner
and brother, respectively, is shot during an undercover deal gone bad.
They're after his killer, a federal agent who uses his DEA connections to
steal from the thieves, drug dealers and gangsters he is supposedly
tracking.
That's what's to be deduced, anyway, from what little plot is
explained. All cheap-looking flash and no substance, it should come as
no surprise that "Fastlane" comes from McG. He and McNamara ignore the plot
in order to devote the show to loud explosions, bright colors, slo-mo
shooting sequences, a shirtless Facinelli and homes that belong on
"Cribs." The effects don't even look good — the budget obviously went
to fees for the fancy cars and the stars' designer clothes, not to decent
film stock.
"Fastlane" could've been fun, but it just isn't.
It's well-funded incompetence on parade, and it will only delight the
absolute lowest common denominator. Or Homer Simpson, but that probably goes
without saying.
— Stephanie Kuenn (smkuenn at gmail dot com)
