NBA Powerball
by Bob Cook

It has been a while since there was a good David Stern draft conspiracy, like the "bent envelope" of 1985 that gave the Knicks Patrick Ewing. But the NBA lottery has given us grist for a good one: how Stern manipulated the order to save pro basketball in the Pacific Northwest. Of course, we have no evidence he actually did so, but Portland getting the top pick and Seattle drafting second in the Greg Oden-Kevin Durant draft could go a long way to revive flagging interest in Portland, and revive the effort to keep the Sonics from moving to Oklahoma City, Las Vegas or whichever city would like to see Durant 41 times a year. (By the way, you cities, the price for getting the Sonics just went up.) But each of the 14 teams in the lottery had their own special reason for being where they were — conspiracy or not.

14. LOS ANGELES CLIPPERS
It was comforting to see the Clippers in the lottery again, like going back to your hometown and seeing that your favorite ice-cream shop reopened after a fire. Unfortunately, the Clippers sent Coach Mike Dunleavy instead of General Manager Elgin Baylor, who perfected the art of being a lottery participant: don't move, stare straight ahead and otherwise look like you're getting your driver's license picture taken. There's probably still an Elgin Baylor butt-groove in the Clippers' chair.

13. NEW ORLEANS HORNETS
After two years playing mostly in Oklahoma City, the Hornets return full-time to New Orleans. Can the city handle the excitement of a Tyson Chandler-Spencer Hawes twin tower combo?

12. PHILADELPHIA 76ERS
The NBA should have nudged the 76ers up a few spots just as a reward for not tanking when so many other teams did. Also, for having to watch Chris Webber actually start putting out an effort once the Sixers paid him $20 million to go to Detroit.

11. ATLANTA HAWKS (from INDIANA PACERS)
The dumbest trade Larry Bird made wasn't the multiplayer deal with Golden State that gave him the leaden feet and contracts of Troy Murphy and Mike Dunleavy Jr. for Al Harrington and Stephen Jackson. It was trading the team's first-round pick in a loaded draft for Harrington in the first place. Bird coached him; he knew at best he was getting a semi-decent player who disappears in the playoffs (as Golden State fans came to learn). Once Indiana failed to make the top 10, this pick became Atlanta's, and Bird joined the schmuck who traded the 1984 first-round pick to Portland for Tom Owens in the Pacers GM Hall of Shame. (Yes, Indiana could have had Michael Jordan, or drafted Sam Bowie.) Still, you couldn't have blamed Bird if he reached down to the Clippers' seat and knocked Mike Sr. across the head, just out of spite.

10. SACRAMENTO KINGS
For their first lottery selection since 1998, the Kings have the opportunity to draft either a forward to replace Ron Artest, or a psychologist to treat him.

9. CHICAGO BULLS (from NEW YORK KNICKS)
Good thing the Knicks were sub-mediocre, instead of awful. Then we would have to listen to Isiah Thomas and James Dolan talk about how they pulled one over on the Bulls getting Eddy Curry for Kevin Durant.

8. CHARLOTTE BOBCATS
New executive Michael Jordan is pinching himself for the chance to get the next Kwame Brown at a relative bargain. But there are so many reasons this organization is doomed to be at just about this spot every year. They'll never be bad enough to be in contention for the top pick, but never good enough to make a playoff run.

7. MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES
Poor Kevin Garnett. Instead of being universally loved as one of the NBA's greatest players, he is universally pitied as his generation's Mitch Richmond. And there's no one available at No. 7 who is going to change that anytime soon. Shoot, the way things have gone for him in Minnesota, Garnett should be thankful the Timberwolves aren't still forfeiting first-round picks for Joe Smith.

6. MILWAUKEE BUCKS
Congratulations, Bucks. You tanked the last half of the season — what, Michael Redd out 12 games with toejam wasn't suspicious? — and you still ended up out of the Oden-Durant running. Do you respect yourself in the morning?

5. BOSTON CELTICS
Someone had better dredge up Babe Ruth's piano for the Celtics' sake. Boston had the second-worst record in the NBA, the second-best chance at Oden or Durant, but instead the Celtics got shipped to Yi Jianlian-ville. Perhaps the Celtics' 20-year championship-free run after 16 titles in 30 years is karmic payback for the Red Sox finally winning a World Series. Or the Patriots winning three Super Bowls. Whatever is happening, it's clear that Stern had no interest in giving the Celtics a push back into the elite.

4. MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES
Too bad. Worst record in the NBA, and no chance at a franchise-changing player. Given Memphis' ownership turmoil, the general sense that the city might not be a good long-term spot for a franchise and the hope for turning around the league's image in the Pacific Northwest, perhaps the Grizzlies might have gotten one of the first two picks had they promised to move back to Vancouver.

3. ATLANTA HAWKS
The good news: you get to keep the pick, rather than turn it over right now to Phoenix in the Joe Johnson deal. The bad news: you finished third in a two-team contest. Eh, Brandan Wright is a decent consolation prize, and the Hawks still have the 11th pick, but Atlanta's 12 fans have to be worried that somehow the team will find a way to screw this up, too.

2. SEATTLE SONICS
If Stern is indeed trying to save basketball in Seattle by giving the Sonics Durant, he may already be too late. The well has long been poisoned (with the remnants of burnt lattes poured by former owner and Starbucks kingpin Howard Schultz) over giving public money to a new arena. So getting this pick is just one last kick in the teeth for desperate Seattle fans before the team heads to parts unknown. At least when Boeing moved its headquarters to Chicago, it didn't announce right before leaving that it had just received a humongous order for planes.

1. PORTLAND TRAILBLAZERS
Portland has a star-crossed history with big men. It had Bill Walton, who helped win Portland's only title (in 1977) yet was decimated by foot injuries and shipped out of town a few years later. In 1978, it used the first overall pick on Mychal Thompson, who had a nice career — as a backup on the 1980s Lakers championship teams. In 1984, there was the whole Sam Bowie thing — maybe Portland liked that his legs had been pre-injured for its convenience. So what does the future hold for Greg Oden in Portland? He should be a star. But more importantly for Portland, he won't get arrested. So that's why Stern steered him there!

E-mail Bob Cook at bobc@flakmag.com.