Flak Magazine: Kick Out the Sports! 12.11.06

With more than half its teams playing in postseason bowl games, NCAA Division I-A football is sports' version of Lake Wobegon — it's where everyone is above average.

Sixty-four out of 119 teams (as well as the teams in their respective conferences who get a share of bowl money) will get paid to play one extra game, whether it means anything or not. And you wonder why there isn't much of a push inside college football for a playoff system?

Here is a list of every game in the nearly month-long bowl season, including my confidence pick for who will win. (Meaning, the more points I put down on each game, the more confident I feel in the winner. But with all the teams above-average, everyone is a winner.)

SAN DIEGO COUNTY CREDIT UNION POINSETTIA BOWL

TCU (10-2) vs. Northern Illinois (7-5), Dec. 19, San Diego

The only reason to watch this game is so when you see Northern Illinois' little Garrett Wolfe zipping through NFL defenses and kick-return units next year, you can be among the few to say you saw him coming.

PICK: TCU

Confidence: 18

PIONEER PUREVISION LAS VEGAS BOWL

BYU (10-2) vs. Oregon (7-5), Dec. 21, Las Vegas

Oregon is proof that karma is not confined to "My Name is Earl." Oregon was 3-0 and on the rise in the top 25 polls after beating Oklahoma 34-33 — though the only reason it had a chance to win is because the refs blew a call by saying Oregon recovered a late onside kick. Since that gift, the Ducks have been 4-5 and fallen out of the top 25, and into the Pioneer PureVision Las Vegas Bowl. Lucky Duck? Not here.

PICK: BYU

Confidence: 5

R&L CARRIERS NEW ORLEANS BOWL

Rice (7-5) vs. Troy (7-5), Dec. 22, New Orleans

When the Saints returned to the Superdome after a year's absence because of Hurricane Katrina, overjoyed fans bought up every ticket for the season. When the Sugar Bowl returned to the Superdome after a year's absence, overjoyed fans bought up every ticket for the game. When the New Orleans Bowl returned to the Superdome after a year's absence, indifferent fans said, "Did it really have to come back?"

PICK: Rice

Confidence: 4

PAPAJOHNS.COM BOWL

South Florida (8-4) vs. East Carolina (7-5), Dec. 23, Birmingham, Ala.

Winner gets to pick the toppings on the sponsor-provided post-game pizza.

PICK: South Florida

Confidence: 19

NEW MEXICO BOWL

New Mexico (6-6) vs. San Jose State (8-4), Dec. 23, Albuquerque, N.M.

Never get invited to a bowl? Then create your own!

PICK: San Jose State

Confidence: 3

BELL HELICOPTER ARMED FORCES BOWL

Tulsa (8-4) vs. Utah (7-5), Dec. 23, Fort Worth, Texas

The losing team, sometime during the third quarter, will hire James Baker and Lee Hamilton to compile a Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl Report to determine what, if any, changes should be made to its approach. Then that team will throw it in the garbage in the fourth quarter.

PICK: Tulsa

Confidence: 6

SHERATON HAWAII BOWL

Arizona State (7-5) vs. Hawaii (10-3), Dec. 24, Honolulu

See "New Mexico Bowl" entry.

PICK: Hawaii

Confidence: 7

MOTOR CITY BOWL

Middle Tennessee (7-5) vs. Central Michigan (9-4), Dec. 26, Detroit

This matchup was designed to create uniformity for directionally named schools. Winner gets to keep "Middle" or "Central." Loser must change its directional appellation to create the standard — either "Central Tennessee" or "Middle Michigan."

PICK: Central Michigan

Confidence: 8

EMERALD BOWL

Florida State (6-6) vs. UCLA (7-5), Dec. 27, San Francisco

When Penn State slipped to mediocrity, aged Joe Paterno suddenly was too old to coach. So how come aged Bobby Bowden hasn't been buried in the same nationwide criticism now that Florida State has slipped to mediocrity?

PICK: UCLA

Confidence: 9

PETROSUN INDEPENDENCE BOWL

Oklahoma State (6-6) vs. Alabama (6-6), Dec. 28, Shreveport, La.

Every year, there's the requisite game between two teams from major conferences that has no buzz, one that features teams you're surprised to see because you didn't think they had won enough games to be bowl-eligible. This year, the PetroSun Independence Bowl is that game.

PICK: Oklahoma State

Confidence: 10

PACIFIC LIFE HOLIDAY BOWL

California (9-3) vs. Texas A&M (9-3), Dec. 28, at San Diego

In 2004, California and its gaudy record were unjustly banished to this bowl despite being good enough to earn a major-bowl spot. In 2006, California earned this bowl all the way.

PICK: Texas A&M

Confidence: 16

TEXAS BOWL

Rutgers (10-2) vs. Kansas State (7-5), Dec. 28, Houston

The thin line of college football success: had Rutgers not lost in overtime in its final regular-season game to West Virginia, it would have gone to a BCS bowl for a big payday and enormous television exposure. Instead, Rutgers falls way, way, way down into a minor, unsponsored bowl for a relative pittance and a spot on the NFL Network, which few receive, and nobody watches. I guess when you have a Cinderella season like Rutgers', eventually something gets turned into a pumpkin.

PICK: Rutgers

Confidence: 17

GAYLORD HOTELS MUSIC CITY BOWL

Clemson (8-4) vs. Kentucky (7-5), Dec. 29, Nashville, Tenn.

The woebegone (not Wobegon) Kentucky program's appearance in a bowl game can mean one of two things. Either it's a just reward for the Wildcats turning around a sorry program, or it's a sign there are too many bowls.

PICK: Clemson

Confidence: 20

BRUT SUN BOWL

Oregon State (9-4) vs. Missouri (8-4), Dec. 29, El Paso, Texas

2006 is the 20th anniversary of the first corporate name attached to a bowl — the John Hancock Sun Bowl of 1986. First to sponsor a bowl, and first to sign the Declaration of Independence — man, John Hancock has sure made a lot of history.

PICK: Oregon State

Confidence: 15

AUTOZONE LIBERTY BOWL

Houston (10-3) vs. South Carolina (7-5), Dec. 29, Memphis, Tenn.

Someday the College Football Hall of Fame in South Bend, Ind., will have some relics from today's coaches, such as the sweater vest of Ohio State's Jim Tressel, and the visor of South Carolina's Steve Spurrier. Spurrier's ego, though, will require a new, separate wing.

PICK: South Carolina

Confidence: 21

INSIGHT BOWL

Texas Tech (7-5) vs. Minnesota (6-6), Dec. 29, Tempe, Ariz.

With the Fiesta Bowl fleeing Tempe for a new stadium in nearby Glendale, and leaving the Insight Bowl behind, Sun Devil Stadium has become the first wife of bowl facilities.

PICK: Texas Tech

Confidence: 22

CHAMPS SPORTS BOWL

Purdue (8-5) vs. Maryland (8-4), Dec. 29, Orlando, Fla.

Maryland's campus has been known to riot following its sports teams' appearances in major events. So things should be pretty calm in College Park after this one.

PICK: Maryland

Confidence: 23

MEINEKE CAR CARE BOWL

Navy (9-3) vs. Boston College (9-3), Dec. 30, Charlotte, N.C.

Note to BC: if you are to trash-talk your opponent, please refrain from any of your native Senator's "botched jokes" about Iraq.

PICK: Boston College

Confidence: 24

ALAMO BOWL

Texas (9-3) vs. Iowa (6-6), Dec. 30, San Antonio

Texas isn't winning a national championship this year, so firemackbrown.com should be back in business any day now.

PICK: Texas

Confidence: 25

CHICK-FIL-A BOWL

Georgia (8-4) vs. Virginia Tech (10-2), Dec. 30, Atlanta

All you need to know about the American auto industry: the Hapeville, Ga., plant that Ford just closed — a plant located across the street from the Dwarf House, the original Chick-Fil-A restaurant — was the company's most efficient. So was the Oshawa, Ontario, plant General Motors has slated for closure. Somewhere, Edward Deming is weeping.

PICK: Virginia Tech

Confidence: 14

MPC COMPUTERS BOWL

Miami (6-6) vs. Nevada (8-4), Dec. 31, Boise, Idaho

Why Miami is firing coach Larry Coker: the Hurricanes are ending their season on the frigid, blue turf of Boise, while Boise State is ending its season on the big-money green turf of a BCS bowl.

PICK: Nevada

Confidence: 11

OUTBACK BOWL

Tennessee (9-3) vs. Penn State (8-4), Jan. 1, Tampa, Fla.

Given both teams play in filled, 100,000-plus-seat stadiums, the deciding factor in this game might be who can adjust to the less populous, quieter surroundings the quickest.

PICK: Tennessee

Confidence: 26

AT&T COTTON BOWL

Auburn (10-2) vs. Nebraska (9-4), Jan. 1, Dallas

When the powers-that-be at the Bowl Championship Series decided to add one more BCS bowl, it looked like the Cotton Bowl would regain its previous status as one of the major New Year's bowl games. Alas, the BCS decided to have the "championship" as its own bowl, played at one of the current four BCS sites. So now it's official — the AT&T Cotton Bowl is the Capital One Bowl with slightly better breeding.

PICK: Auburn

Confidence: 27

TOYOTA GATOR BOWL

West Virginia (10-2) vs. Georgia Tech (9-4), Jan. 1, Jacksonville, Fla.

Georgia Tech wide receiver Calvin Johnson is likely to be the NFL draft's No. 1 pick next year. Here's one reason why: with Reggie Ball completing a pathetic 44.4 percent of his passes, pro scouts are most definitely assured Johnson is not a creation of his quarterback.

PICK: West Virginia

Confidence: 28

CAPITAL ONE BOWL

Arkansas (10-3) vs. Wisconsin (11-1), Jan. 1, Orlando, Fla.

Wisconsin has the strongest case for team most unfairly denied a BCS bowl spot, a case that will get stronger when Notre Dame gets creamed, again.

PICK: Wisconsin

Confidence: 29

ROSE BOWL PRESENTED BY CITI

USC (10-2) vs. Michigan (11-1), Jan. 1, Pasadena, Calif.

A lot will be made of the traditional Pac-10 vs. Big Ten power matchup back in the Rose Bowl. But really, there hasn't been this obvious a consolation matchup in college athletics since the NCAA men's basketball tournament gave up the third-place game.

PICK: Michigan

Confidence: 12

TOSTITOS FIESTA BOWL

Boise State (12-0) vs. Oklahoma (11-2), Jan. 1, Glendale, Ariz.

If Boise State wins, it becomes the Gonzaga of football — a school good enough, year after year, to play in a better conference, but satisfied to spend most of its time beating up far less talented opponents.

PICK: Oklahoma

Confidence: 30

FEDEX ORANGE BOWL

Louisville (11-1) vs. Wake Forest (10-2), Jan. 2, Miami

The Orange Bowl organizers and the Miami visitors bureau staff have to be THRILLED that two teams with such little football tradition are taking up spots in their presumably major bowl. THRILLED.

PICK: Louisville

Confidence: 13

ALLSTATE SUGAR BOWL

Notre Dame (10-2) vs. LSU (10-2), Jan. 3, New Orleans

Maybe Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis is Bill Belichick incarnate, except for the fooling-around-with-a-married-woman and pot-smoking-son parts. But given how his team gets smoked by major powers, and his otherwise soft schedule this year, Notre Dame has less of a right than Boise State to be in a BCS game.

PICK: LSU

Confidence: 31

INTERNATIONAL BOWL/GMAC BOWL

Cincinnati (7-5) vs. Western Michigan (8-4), Jan. 6, Toronto (International)

Ohio (9-4) vs. Southern Mississippi (8-5), Jan. 7, Mobile, Ala. (GMAC)

You might think that it's ridiculous two such minor games are sandwiched between the BCS bowls and the BCS championship game. But instead, you should think of these two games as a palate cleanser, two nice, tall glasses of water to get your taste buds ready for the main course.

PICKS: Cincinnati (International), Ohio (GMAC)

Confidence: 1, 2

TOSTITOS BCS CHAMPIONSHIP GAME

Florida (12-1) vs. Ohio State (12-0), Jan. 8, Glendale, Ariz.

Let me say first that Michigan got hosed out of its rightful spot in this game. It lost to Ohio State only by three points, in Columbus, a day after the death of its program's mentor, Bo Schembechler. Except for falling asleep and nearly losing to Ball State (the game before Ohio State), Michigan generally manhandled every opponent it faced. Unlike Florida, which lost its No. 2 spot after one week early in the year because of a loss to Auburn, Michigan kept its No. 2 spot for multiple weeks. The reasons I keep hearing for keeping Michigan out are all ridiculous. First, that Michigan didn't win its conference. So what? It's not like it plays in the MAC. Some years, there might be two great teams in one conference. Second, that Michigan lost too late in the season. One of the moronic things about having early-season polls is that the earlier you lose, the greater advantage you have of gaining spots later. A loss is a loss, no matter when it comes. Finally, that Michigan's season ended too soon. So Michigan is penalized because the Big Ten doesn't have an official championship, as the SEC does? Michigan should stop playing in September so it can play more in December? It sounds like the human poll voters, at least, have severe ADD cases if they can't remember what a team did two weeks ago, especially when it's late in the season and few teams are playing. By the way, Vegas agrees with me. Oddsmakers have Ohio State as an eight-point favorite over Florida on a neutral field. The line for Michigan at Ohio State was Ohio State by six. Ohio State is going to kill Florida in a game that should have poll voters recoiling in shame over what they've done.

PICK: Ohio State

Confidence: 32

This article originally appeared on CultureCloud.

E-mail Bob Cook at bobc@flakmag.com.