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CookKick Out the Sports!
by Bob Cook

Bob Cook's weekly ruminations on sports appear Mondays in Flak.

With so many high schools and colleges embroiled in controversy over their sports teams' nicknames, Lemont High in suburban Chicago is solving the problem by having no nickname at all. Given how hot the discussion over nicknames is in Lemont and elsewhere, maybe every team should do this for a little while, declaring a cooling-off period until we all get our nickname issues worked out.

This whole passion over what your animal, vegetable or mineral is out of control. Hundreds who otherwise don't come to hear budget debates suddenly show up for school board meetings when a nickname change is being discussed. Rich alumni promise to make a donation to keep a name from being pulled, or threaten to pull their money unless the nickname stays the same.

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Mostly, this is about schools with Native American nicknames changing them to something less offending, at least to the Native Americans. What has so many in a froth lately is the NCAA's move to ban schools with particularly derogatory Native American nicknames or mascots from hosting postseason tournaments, or showing up, with or without mascot in tow, to such events wearing uniforms that depict their nickname. Unless, like Florida State, you threaten to sue about your Seminoles' inclusion on the list, at which point the NCAA takes you off of it.

Still, these debates can go on without the specter of the white man's genocidal behavior as a backdrop. Witness Syracuse, where many alumni are still smarting over the "Orangemen," a paean to the school's Protestant roots, being changed last year to the "Orange," a paean to the football team's goal of reaching some sort of citrus-themed bowl game.

In 1930, outraged alumni did not protest North Dakota's decision to change its nickname from Flickertails to Fighting Sioux, a decision made because it sounded as tough as archrival North Dakota State's Mighty Bison, and because nobody could come up with a cheer that could rhyme Flickertails. The late, filty-rich alum Ralph Englestad used to threaten to withdraw all financial support from his alma mater if it even considered caving into a 35-year effort to get rid of the Fighting Sioux nickname.


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To download an MP3 podcast of this story click here.


Why do so many keep fighting to hold onto school nicknames? (I'm already on record as saying I didn't care when my college, Indiana University-Purdue University at Indianapolis, changed its name.) The obvious answer is tradition (and my school, only around since 1969, had none.) You go to games, or play in games, under a certain nickname, and it feels weird to come back to hear your school referred to by a different nickname.

Then again, sometimes changes in sensibility necessitate uprooting tradition. The University of Mississippi still calls its teams the Rebels, but over the years it's junked mascot Colonel Reb and banned Confederate flag-waving at games, figuring that allowing such things might put a slight crimp in recruiting black athletes. The university higher-ups must have figured, geez, we may as well have a cotton field in the end zone while we're at it. Not that there weren't Mississippians disgusted by this attack on, ahem, Southern heritage.

There has to be some middle ground when deciding to keep or scrap a nickname that's offensive, out of date or just plain stupid. Unfortunately, that middle ground — American-style democracy — can drain just as much time and make everyone look just as ridiculous as the other options.

Marquette used to be known as the Warriors, but the Milwaukee school changed its nickname to Golden Eagles so as not to offend the sensibilities of Wisconsin's sizable Native American population. The name wasn't well-loved, and at the 2004 graduation, one alumnus offered $1 million to the school to change the name back to Warriors, perhaps in the same suave way Robert Redford offered $1 million to sleep with Demi Moore in Indecent Proposal.

The school didn't take the money, but it did re-open the nickname debate. In May it decided to change Marquette's nickname to just plain Gold. Students, professors and alumni were no longer divided — they agreed Gold sucked much worse than Golden Eagles.

So the school opened up its nickname to nominations, hiring a consultant to help run the election and interpret the results. About 1,500 suggestions poured in, from A.B.C. to Ziggies, from the Fickle Felines to the Mighty Moose, from the Fightin' Christians to the Hellfires, plus something called the Extracentrifugal Forz. Seventy-six varieties of "Golden" were entered, including Golden Eagles, Golden Globes and Golden Retrievers. Amazingly, for a contest that included college students, no one nominated Golden Showers.

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At the end of June, Marquette announced the winner of a vote of students, staff and alumni: Golden Eagles. Well, it's good to see all that time and money wasn't wasted.

In a way, Lemont High is trying something similar. Right now the community, best known for hosting the PGA's Western Open, is being surveyed on what the high school's nickname should be.

The background is this. The school's teams, since 1969, have been called the Injuns. It was a name change from the Indians, made, with little fanfare, to separate Lemont from all the other Indian-nicknamed teams in Chicagoland. (Injuns actually was not the most vile nickname in Illinois school history. It took Pekin High until 1981 to get rid of its nickname Chinks.)

The Illinois Native American Bar Association, the same group pressuring the University of Illinois to drop its Fighting Illini nickname and Chief Illiniwek mascot, threatened to sue Lemont High if it didn't drop Injuns. So last year, the Lemont High school board voted 4-3 to kill the name, to be replaced by Titans.

The community took the news so well, it ousted the school board in the next election in favor of a pro-Injun bloc. The name Titans was yanked, but the new board decided it would spend a few months asking the community what nickname it wanted before voting on one. Also, perhaps to build up the school's legal fund if it gets its butt sued for bringing back Injuns.

I don't live in Lemont, but I have a suggestion. It's inspired by the town's homophonic TV character, Lamont, the son on the 1970s TV series "Sanford and Son." Lamont's father gave him a sobriquet that can stand not only for Lemont's athletic teams, but also for the teams of every school community that has spent an inordinate amount of time worrying about nicknames.

I dub thee, Lemont, the Big Dummies.

E-mail Bob Cook at bobc@flakmag.com.

KICK OUT THE SPORTS!

All columns by Bob Cook:

05.05.03: Listening to the fans

04.28.03: The harsh world of kindergarten soccer

04.07.03: Tough acts to follow

03.17.03: The road to the Foul Four

03.10.03: Sports teams are for chumps

02.17.03: KOtS! loses its Motherfucker

02.17.03: Clean version

01.20.03: An introduction

Complete Kick Out the Sports archives

HEAR BOB COOK ON NPR

10.02.03: Rush Limbaugh got into trouble not because he talked about race but because he related race to athletic ability.

09.10.03: What to do about Maurice Clarett and the NFL's eligibility problem.

08.27.03: People Playing Games Playing People

07.29.03: Tchotchke Tribute

06.24.03: Dreams of Making it Big

05.23.03: Indy 500 and 'Indiana'

ALSO BY ...

Also by Bob Cook:
Kick Out the Sports
Unspoken Words
Bad and Red and Doomed All Over
Country Singles
How to Beat the NCAA Bracket
Paul Tatara interview
Requiem for a Rock Satirist
Body Perks nipple enhancers

 
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