The Ads of Super Bowl XLII

"Fly, Black Man. Fly." | Bud Lite

Summary: This is part of the series of But Lite commercials that allege their products can give you various super powers. In this situation, a man, after drinking a Bud Light, can fly. But then he gets caught up in the jet engine of a commercial airliner and supposedly dies. EXCEPT for the fact that he ends up back in the terminal, alive.

High Point: Realizing that humans may someday be given the potential for flight.

Low Point: Realizing that this discovery will probably be made by a company like Budweiser or Pfizer, meaning that the miracle of flight will only be available to drunks and men with erectile dysfunction.

Is this commercial an agent of change? This ad, while depressing and middling, does do something to promote positive African American images in the media. Black people can't swim, but they sure as hell can FLY! Right, Anheuser Busch?

"BABY WANTS TO STOCK!" | E*Trade

Summary: Hey America, check out this pixelated web-cam video we found, probably on one of those new video-sharing services like The U-Tube! This one is of a baby who can talk!!!!! This baby talks like a man, and he tells all of us how much money he's making using E*Trade. And then he barfs on himself. E*Trade!

High Point: Thinking of all the Day-bies out there who will be sexually aroused by a commercial featuring an adult baby.

Low Point: The moment right after the adult baby spits up. "Whoa."

Is this commercial an agent of change? Yes, if it propels a movement of mothers who will put their babies in front of their computers' webcams and display them for millions of people to see. It makes me horny just thinking about it.

"Teens in the Fourth Dimension!" | Jumper the Movie

Summary: Teens in a bank! Teens on the Sphinx! Teens on Big Ben! Teens in a Parking Lot! Teens having Sex! Teens on the Pyramids! Teens on a Skyscraper! PG-13!

High Point: Realizing that Samuel L. Jackson was brought onto this project to GIVE the film credibility.

Low Point: Realizing that it actually might be cool to occupy four dimensional space, but not quite cool enough to entice me to see the movie.

Is this commercial an agent of change? Yes. This film represents a change in the fabric of space and time. With TEENS. Do you see? Do you see the new concept? It's like, if adults could bend the fabric of space and time, they'd do some fucking retarded shit like bring water to the Congo. But because TEENS can do it, they can do all this wizard shit like have sex on the pyramids. Totally wizard. Jumper the Movie. Rated PG-13.