The Ads of Super Bowl XLII

"Cavemen Suck" | Bud Light

Summary: Cavemen ponder a rock cooler full of beer. They fear they will be late to an engagement. Another caveman arrives. He holds a giant rock wheel. This should help. But wait! Those kooky caveman are carrying the wheel instead of rolling it! When will they ever learn? The question remains, however, as to where the Bud Light bottles came from. The implicit assumption: time travel. Once again, those jokesters over at Bud Light are poking fun at physicist Stephen Hawking's assertion that the phehonomeon of time travel is rendered impossible by an unavoidable release of near infinite energy at the boundary of space and time. Oh, those jokesters!

High Point:Realistic make-up.

Low Point:Not enough mammoth humor.

Is this commercial an agent of change?Yes. It will forever change our understanding of the nuances that shade the human condition.

"Ice Breaker" | Icebreaker Ice Cube Gum

Summary: Carmen Electra appears at a photo shoot. Her bodyguards seem to be itching for a conflict. A parade of nerds and sexual deviants approach for photos — each more disturbing than the last. Finally, a normal looking young man arrives. He offers Carmen a piece of Icebreaker Ice Cube gum. The guards tackle him to the ground. The moral: chewing Icebreaker Ice Cube gum makes you worse than a nerd or a sexual deviant.

High Point:Inspirational use of Asian stereotypes.

Low Point:No tazer.

Is this commercial an agent of change? Of course. Any ad featuring someone as relevant and hip as Carmen Electra is skating on the cutting edge of the avant garde.

"Deciding Whether or Not to Murder Richard Simmons." | Ford? Toyota? The Tae-Bo Guy?

Summary:A man drives a car at night. A deer appears in the road! The driver swerves. Alice Cooper appears in the road! The driver swerves again. Finally, Richard Simmons appears in the road! Doing jumping jacks! The driver accelerates. Then, at the last second, swerves to avoid Richard, and, in doing so accidently collides with and instantly kills his morbidly obsese wife who was waiting for him by the side of the road. The driver and Simmons share a smile at the irony of the situation.

High Point:The disclaimer at the bottom of the screen that reads: "Do not attempt."

Low Point:The need to add a disclaimer at the bottom of the screen that reads: "Do not attempt."

Is this commercial an agent of change?No. Simmons lives.

"A Spider Ate My Dream" | CareerBuilder.com

Summary:A man sings a song with an animated cricket, wishing, to a nearby star, for a better job. Suddenly, a spider eats the cricket. Stopping the song, and, metaphorically, also stopping the man's battle with his depression.

High Point:The nostalgic reminder of the magic exuded by Disney's classic movies.

Low Point:The less-nostalgic reminder of the hopeless, inescapable maze in which we toil, lost, alone, playing out in each day's minor struggles our pained throes of quiet desperation. Also, the computer generated spider looked fake.

Is this commercial an agent of change?Yes. It has allowed me to combine acranophobia with my my low-grade workplace anxiety.