Fred Dalton Thompson, the former US Senator who plays D.A. Arthur Branch on hit TV series Law & Order, is being considered as a possible replacement for scandal-impaired Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. It's entirely likely that this is because Attorneys General don't take a dump without a plan.

Along similar lines, there might be other ways to harness star power while cleaning up a chronically scandal-battered cabinet. If Republicans are really serious about making government work... at least until they're thrown out on their collective ass in 2008... I would suggest that Hollywood has the answers they're looking for.

Why, let's start out with the Secretary of Defense. I like the idea of putting in Tony Shaloub as Monk. It's not a natural fit... more a "fish out of water" with a lot of hilarious possibilities for comic misunderstandings and awkwardness. And if anyone can think us up a way out of Iraq, it's Monk.

Secretary of Labor: Sylvester Stallone as "Rocky" Balboa. I'm not entirely sure that he's the best candidate, but he does cut a fine figure as the grizzled, embittered embodiment of the American working class.

Secretary of the Interior: What exactly is the "interior" anyway? Is there a Secretary of the Exterior that we don't know about? Pass. Or Jason Alexander.

Secretary of Health and Human Services: Ooh! Ooh! Dr. House! This was an easy one. House would be great. Although he's not an ideal manager in some ways.

Secretary of Education: Oh, Christ. Robin Williams? Wasn't there some black guy who was in a movie about being a good educator? Denzel Washington, maybe? I don't know. Pass for now.

Secretary of Energy: Paula Abdul has a lot of energy. Beyond that, I got nothing.

Secretary of State: Tony Shaloub again. Or possibly Anthony Bourdain. Actually, let's go with Bourdain. He's a man of the world, and he's not afraid to talk tough. But he's only a dick when he needs to be. Most of the time, he's very nice, and he knows his food.

Secretary of Homeland Security: Might I suggest Veronica Mars? With this plucky and persistant little detective on the case, Al Qaeda would be running scared!

Secretary of the Interior: Didn't I already deal with this one? Interior of what? Anyway, Jason Alexander.

Secretary of Agriculture: No clear candidates, although the charmingly stiff father and son team from the Ocean Spray commercials seem like strong possibilities. Could they be co-secretaries?

Secretary of Transportation: Alec Baldwin could probably do this pretty well.

Secretary of the Treasury: Also Alec Baldwin. Or that yelling guy who talks about stocks. Nevermind, let's go with Alec Baldwin.

Secretary of the Interior: I am POSITIVE I've dealt with this one before, and said Jason Alexander. But I would also accept Alec Baldwin on general principle.