Aesop in Mesopotamia
by J. Daniel Janzen

The Hornet's Nest
A donkey and an elephant were sitting on a porch. "That wasp's nest vexes me," said the elephant.

"I don't think there are that many wasps in it," said the donkey.

"What do you know?" said the elephant. "I'm going to hit it with this stick."

"I don't think that's the right way to deal with a wasp's nest," said the donkey.

"Coward!" said the elephant. "Try and stop me."

"Maybe we should ask around," said the donkey.

"Fuck off!" said the elephant.

"Very well, I'll hit it with you," said the donkey. Together they took a great whack at the nest. As the sound echoed, every wasp, hornet and yellowjacket in the neighborhood came and stung the donkey and the elephant to death.

Moral: Clearing a wasp's nest is a job best left to humans.

The Mule and the Panther
A mule was laboring under the hot sun. "How cruelly my master whips me!" it said to itself. "If only I were free, I could go to that cool stream yonder and drink my fill, and eat the sweet grass that grows along its banks."

Just then, a panther came galloping across the field. In its first pass, the panther tore off one of the mule's hind legs. With the next, it tore off one in the front. Finally on the third pass, it caught the master's throat in its jaws and pulled the man from his saddle. "Mission accomplished!" declared the panther, as it took the man's body and purse in its jaws and made to depart. "But the jackals will soon tear me apart!" cried the mule, unable to rise.

"You should be grateful you're free," the panther called over his shoulder.

Moral: Jackals don't stay hungry long when there's a panther around.

The Sinking Ship
A merchant ship made to depart. "This vessel is too small for our voyage," said the captain to his boss.

"There's a hole in the hull that a dolphin could swim through," said the mate.

"Where are we going, anyway?" asked the navigator.

"Silence! All aboard!" the boss cried.

The ship sank with all hands soon after leaving. The boss was consoled by his two able-bodied daughters, whom he hadn't asked to make the voyage.

Moral: A boat of any size should be checked for seaworthiness prior to embarkation.

The Evil Snake and Bird
A bird awoke one morning to find that a snake had eaten one of its eggs. "A taste for yolk is the purest of evils," said the bird to its tree mates. "I shall banish the viper from our forest."

Try as it might, the bird was unable to find the snake in the dense foliage. Frustrated, the bird instead found the snake's nest, and took its vengeance on the eggs within. On its return, the bird's tree mates shunned it. "A taste for yolk is the purest of evils," they said, pointing to its dripping beak.

Moral: In a pinch, snake eggs can be substituted in an omelet, though the taste will not suit all palates.

The Angry Neighbor
A man was upset by his neighbor's insolence. He went to one of his sons and said, "The guy next door beats his dog. Go next door and punch him in the nose. I promise you he'll drop like a stone." The son did as he was told, but instead of falling, the neighbor remained on his feet and blew off those of the son with an improvised explosive device. The son dragged himself back home, where his father tossed him in the cellar.

Said the man to his second son, "The guy next door is trying to poison our lawn. Go kick him in the nuts. He'll cry like a little girl." The son did as he was told, but met a fate similar to his brother's.

"Our neighbor is out of control," said the man to his daughter. "Go straighten him out, and you'll make a friend for life." She returned in even worse condition than her brothers. Having emptied his household, the man was alone when his neighbor dropped by with a few friends.

Moral: Sooner or later, you run out of children to lie to.