Weekly Shredder 45:
Scott McClellan's Rovian Top Ten
by James Norton

Been quite a week at the White House. After five years of intermittent but enthusiastic beating, Bush's honesty rating has finally hit the septic tank. Democrats and mainstream media types (who can tell 'em apart any more?) are a-twitter with excitement over the recent revelation that master strategist Karl Rove appears to have been behind the apparently malicious blowing of a CIA operative's cover, for partisan political gain. And the Prime Minister of Singapore stopped by to discuss strong bilateral relations.

For archives, audio, and background about the column, click here.

Shed a tear for White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan; things have heated up during this week's Rove-dominated briefings. To make things worse, Rove, who was very bold and outspoken when he said that Democrats didn't help defend America after Sept. 11, 2001, hasn't been saying much in his own defense this week. The questions for McClellan have come fast and furious over three consecutive days of grilling, but they generally fell into one of five broad categories:

1. Does the president stand by his pledge to fire anyone involved in leaking the name of a CIA operative?

2. You won't answer any questions about Rove, because it's "part of an ongoing investigation." But you were happy to answer questions about the Plame leak investigation for months and months before Rove's name came out. What gives?

3. You told us that you talked to Rove, and he said he didn't do it. Are you a silly patsy or a dumb stooge?

4. Is Bush going to do anything to Rove? I mean, he, you know, seems to have exposed the identity of an undercover CIA operative for malicious political reasons.

5. Seriously, stooge or patsy? You lied to us, man! The press!

The McClellan response? With apologies to Worldwide Pants Inc., The Weekly Shredder is proud to present:

The Top Ten Post-Rove Scott McClellanisms

10. I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD BE PREJUDGING THE OUTCOME OF ANY INVESTIGATION AT THIS POINT.

9. WHILE THAT INVESTIGATION IS ONGOING, THE WHITE HOUSE IS NOT GOING TO COMMENT ON IT.

8. NO ONE WANTS TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF IT MORE THAN THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

7. I THINK THE WAY TO BE MOST HELPFUL IS TO NOT GET INTO COMMENTING ON IT.

6. I THINK WE'VE EXHAUSTED DISCUSSION ON THIS THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS.

5. EVERYBODY IS GOING ABOUT DOING THEIR BUSINESS, AS THEY SHOULD BE.

4. I WILL BE GLAD TO TALK ABOUT IT AT THE APPROPRIATE TIME.

3. I'LL TRY TO COME BACK TO YOU IF I CAN.

2. YOU'VE HEARD MY RESPONSE ON THIS.

1. I APPRECIATE YOUR QUESTION.

And America appreciates your candor, Scott.

E-mail James Norton at jim@flakmag.com.

— graphic by Derek Evernden (derek@ocellus.net)