High Crimes
dir. Carl Franklin
20th Century Fox
High Crimes is a forced, military-courtroom melodrama that cruelly wastes
talent and time, but there is a way to make this campy thriller genuinely
interesting: Just add alcohol. For those old enough to partake,
many High Crimes drinking games suggest themselves.
Set 'Em Up, Joe
Pour a shot whenever an approaching plot twist is telegraphed 10 minutes before it
comes to pass; drink up when the shocking revelation arrives. For example, when
Charles Grimes (Morgan Freeman), an outcast, military law expert, is introduced
languishing bitterly in his disheveled house, set up a
drink because it's clear he's a recovering alcoholic. The next round
is on me if you went ahead and poured a second drink because you can see that
Grimes' drinking problem will interfere with his work.
I'd Never …
Quickly knock back two shots whenever a character does something
astoundingly stupid just to set up a conflict later in the film. Keep an eye
on Claire Kubik (Ashley Judd), the criminal lawyer who defends her husband
against charges that he killed nine civilians when he was a soldier. Claire
is key to this game. After she is attacked at gunpoint for her decision to
stand by her man, Claire does not seek protection from the police or
bodyguards. In fact, she invites solitude, asking friends and family
members to leave her alone inside her tiny house, especially at night.
Gulp, gulp.
No They Didn't
Slowly sip a highball whenever the emotional
manipulation crosses the line of good taste or an anticlimactic moment causes your
pulse to flat line. Many of the military courtroom scenes come into play
here. They dud along without a flicker of excitement or real tension; the
final turn in the legal battle whimpers out like a silent but deadly fart.
Sideshow
Chug a beer whenever a cookie-cutter supporting character
reveals something about themselves that reinforces the ancient blueprint posted
on their forehead. For instance, Claire's husband is originally assigned
a fresh-faced lawyer. He's meek, innocent and jittery. When he soon admits
that he's inexperienced and has never won a case … it's Miller time! Same goes
for Claire's bad-girl sister who of course seduces … the pure and
unsuspecting lawyer!
Time Eraser
Drink a body shot whenever High Crime's methodic pace
induces a loud bear yawn from anyone in the audience. Boredom is likely to set
in during that bit between the opening scene and the closing credits, as
the film is freckled with landmines of tedium; the earnest pledges of
devotion appear to be the most deadly.
If all these games seem too complicated, one could always simply
pre-game High Crimes. Show up hammered enough and the film might — just might — become
entertaining and begin to make sense. Or at least, with the right
blood-alcohol ratio, the whole celluloid catastrophe will blur into
oblivion.
— Rasheed Newson (rasheednewson@hotmail.com)
