Flak Magazine: Review of Bust Guide, 2.12.00

On a recent episode of "Friends," Phoebe, Rachel and Monica are pouring over a Playboy: they gasp at the enormous synthetic breasts, invent pseudo-storylines for the photo spreads and Phoebe reminisces: "Remember when you used to go out to the barn, bend over and - whoops! - your dress flew up over your head?" Young, single women engrossed in pornography for men? What is this snippet of New Wave Feminism doing on NBC's Thursday night primetime TV? Is the New Girl Order becoming - gasp! - mainstream?

The answer can perhaps be found within the pages of "The Bust Guide to the New Girl Order." A collection of confessional, academic, obscene, touching, sexual, emotional, funny and campy essays, stories and interviews, "The Bust Guide" is a cross-section of today's female experience. It picks up where "Our Bodies, Ourselves" left off: where the woman stops and the grrl begins.

Bust grew up as a zine. Started by two alternative media-starved '90s working-gals (one of whom holds a Ph.D. in the psychology of women, so she's not just making this stuff up) in 1992, Bust soon blossomed (sorry) from a photocopied monochromatic affair to a glossy magazine and flashy website. It now serves the needs of women everywhere who can't "relate to the body sculpting tips of Cosmo or the eyebrow tweezing directions of Glamour."

Even Ms. is a little too mainstream for Bust, the zine that defines "cunt" as the up-and-coming word for feminine empowerment and interviews Cynthia Plaster Caster, the "legendary connoisseur of casting cock." "The Bust Guide to the New Girl Order" is Bust's breakout effort: it puts late 20th Century feminism in the hands of the general public, and with fairly encouraging results, no less.

Aimed at the late 20-to-30-something set, "The Bust Guide" often manages to rise above pop culture idolatry and give voice to a number of issues facing women today - hell, facing women yesterday and tomorrow, too. No holds barred "The Bust Guide" at its best is a primer in women's history (however brief and soundbyte-ish); a stirring tale of eating disorders, messy breakups, journeys of self-discovery through the aid of an Hitachi Magic Wand, and the triumphs of the "new" American family - one with no Ward and one or two Junes; and a series of quirky interviews with figures ranging from Judy Blume to the busty lead in "Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!" with plenty of cult figures from the sex industry thrown in for good measure.

At its worst, "The Bust Guide" drowns itself in fictitious tales of famous-actress slumber parties, eye-rolling sagas about the quest to become one of Charlie's Angels, a little too much "You go, girl!" and excessive fawning over Courtney Love. At times, you could throw in a couple of "Are you pleasing your man?" quizzes and we'd be right back where we started, bras un-burned.

Still, there are too many gems in this book to cast it aside for its fan-worship and occasional lightheadedness. In fact, it's so straight-to-the-point that I found myself wondering if the editors shouldn't put out an edition for mixed company: some of this top-secret information could cause real trouble for us girls if it got passed around the boys' locker room. Reading "The Bust Guide" is like sneaking a peek at your sister's diary - and either gasping in horror or nodding your head vehemently in agreement.

If "Vogue and Harper's Bazaar are the ultimate bitchy high school," then Bust is the ultimate sleepover gossip-fest: and I'm not just talking about pretty undies, giggling and sparkly nail polish. "The Bust Guide" doesn't put up a front.

There is a little something for everyone in "The Bust Guide": for the good and bad girls alike (though, realistically, the bad girls seem to be having more fun). And for the boys, there's advice: "Don't ever ask me if my trip to the gynecologist is a turn-on." You can be sure this is the book Phoebe, Rachel and Monica are reading, too.

— Sara J. Brenneis (sara at flakmag dot com)