Flak Magazine Letters
Sep-Dec 2002
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12-24-02
To: James Norton
Re: Master of the Senate
Jim,
Enjoyed the review — as Caro said on a recent Lamb interview, [Johnson] had legislative genius. Time for a statue of LBJ (especially with recent lessons from Trent Lott what the Senate is really like) on the mall and perhaps tear down the FDR set of blocks vis-a-vis his putting Americans of not his ethnic background in concentration camps.
Thanks,
Jerry Dowling
12-23-02
To: Eric Wittmershaus
Re: Baby Bird
Hi Eric,
Good call on Baby Bird. Without wishing to flaunt my hipness, I bought the original albums back in 95-96 and saw them three times in London nano-venues at the same time. It was interesting to watch how quickly success went to Jones' head. The first gig I saw was full of freewheeling, Eddie Izzard-esque patter between songs, while the last — about three months later — consisted mainly of him telling a mostly-reverential audience to shut the fuck up while he was singing, with "don't you know who I am"s thrown in for extra irritation. But as you say, the records still sound great.
cheers,
Martin L. Herbert
12-18-02
To: Jason Sanford
Re: New Ideas for Democrats
I couldn't resist adding a few of my own ideas that I wish somebody would start talking about. Revitalizing industry with incentives for energy-sustainable technology would be good for the local economy and for the global environment. Plus, as Al Gore mentioned (but quickly dropped), we can then sell those sustainable-energy technologies to the developing world, so that instead (for instance) of 6 billion Chinese SUV drivers, we're all driving fuel cell cars! Win win win! Of course cutting military spending in half would be a good idea (if we can convince my conservative brother and sister that we already have the rest of the world outgunned 10 times over). And how about charging media monopolies for the airtime they were given gratis by the Clinton administration, then requiring them to provide free advertisement for political campaigns? All democracy, no graft!
A better world is possible! As Ishmael, Daniel Quinn's fictional sentient gorilla says: "If we can't make our democratic government change to make life work for people instead of just business, we probably don't deserve to survive."
Jeff Grygny
Chicago, Ill.
11-26-02
To: Julia Lipman
Re: I-294/I-94
Julia,
I happened upon your commentary titled "The Industrial Strip, I-294/I-94 between the Chicago suburbs and Indiana."
This page came to my attention while I was reviewing our referral logs from a link on your page to ours, http://www.harborcountry.org.
My letter to you is in response to the 2nd to the last paragraph where you cite "Harbor Country" being marketed by the LaPorte County Visitor's center in Michigan City, Indiana.
Perhaps at the time you wrote about your experience, there "was" a marketing campaign in that part of Indiana. However, in order to set the record straight, I thought it would be appropriate to send you a chronology of facts.
Harbor Country® is a federally protected and registered servicemark of the Harbor Country Chamber of Commerce, in New Buffalo Michigan. Our regional designation was first conceived by our founders in the early 80's, and enjoyed a long decade of visitors into our southwest corner of Michigan.
As our fame grew, the neighboring visitor's center in Michigan City, IN (just 10 miles across the state line) decided they wanted to ride our coat tails and garner public recognition by using the same name. (It was perhaps their attempt, as you say to "create a higher toned image for itself") Their action was met with much contempt and furor by the rightful owners of the trademark, who is the Harbor Country Chamber of Commerce.
This was following by legal challenge by the Harbor Country Chamber over trademark infringement and unauthorized use of the name, Harbor Country.
Initially the LaPorte County Convention & Visitor's Bureau refused to relent. But after reviewing the implications of this action and messy public relations fall-out, they eventually acquiesced, removing all Harbor Country references in all their billboards and print publications.
There is therefore no longer a "Harbor Country" being marketed in Indiana. The only remaining legal designation for Harbor Country is in the southwest corner of Michigan.
You can find supporting historical information about the trademark issue in Michigan City's newspaper, The News Dispatch.
I hope this information about our corner of the world has been useful to you, and we hope in the interests of factual reporting you can update your page by either removing the Harbor Country reference, or add additional facts regarding the fate of "Harbor Country" in Indiana.
Best Regards,
Ray Vasquez
Director of Internet Services
Harbor Country Chamber of Commerce
11-25-02
To: Claire Zulkey
Re: Listerine Oral Care Strips
An addition to your review on the Listerine Pocketpak. On the back of the package it says to keep them in a cool place, actually 59 to 77F. The pocket isn't exactly the coolest place in the world, and so mine always get stuck together and I end up taking much more than I should. Why even call them Pocketpak?! Why not just call it Pak?
Thanks for reading and of course understanding.
John W. Thompson
11-18-02
To: James Norton
Re: The Sherman Dodge Sign
Yes.
I have pointed this sign out to friends innumerable times.
It continues in the fine tradition of a sign that — until a few years ago — graced a storefront on Lincoln Ave. just north of Belmont:
mostly
FASHIONS UNDER $10
our specialty
Jacqueline
11-18-02
To: James Norton
Re: The Legal Helpers Sign
Is the Legal Helpers sign really more depressing than 1-800-R U MY DAD?? That's the one that gets me. Does cheap paternity testing trump cheap divorces? I'm not sure...
Thank God I don't have to ride the Red Line everyday.
Jen
11-17-02
To: James Norton
Re: Rip-Off Report.com
Your a great writer! unfortunately your not checking with the victims, the companies or people that are being reported,,, your article on unfortunately it misleads consumers, your readers... Because I get over 800 e-mails a day, I have to limit my response. Your welcome to questions the victims of the Apache Junction Pizza Hut story, ..or, The New Times reporter that did a six page 3 month investigation, and found what was on the Rip-off Report to be all true. One other thought. About 3 months ago I was in the offices of TV Producers for 48 Hours. This particular Producer was on the (intercom) phone with another TV Producer from ABC, Good Morning America. I could here the Good Morning America Producer tell Miguel, the Producer from 48 Hours that, "ED Magedson's / Rip-off Report sources always check out, I've always found them to be reliable" " a definite good source for information".. My self, many of my staff members / Rip-off Report.com has worked with / and assisted FBI, FTC, Attorney Generals across the USA, Local and State Police nationwide, including Canadian authorities and United Kingdom Authorities in too many cases to count. As good of a writer you seem to be, (creative) you've lead your readers down the wrong path. Obviously you haven't bothered to question the victims, the authorities that we work with. Maybe you just have a personal ax to grind, a hidden agenda? That's OK, our work speaks for itself.. I have an idea, maybe you should do a Review on the BBB, ... please see what it is we have to say about them? I'm sure you could come up with something creative..
ED Magedson
EDitor@RipoffReport.com
Re: Rip-Off Report.com
Dear Mr. Magedson,
I didn't mean to imply that the information on Rip-off Report is generally false; I'm sure that many of the allegations and accusations that fly back and forth on the site are 100 percent true, and verifiable in court. I'm sure that much (if not most) of the information on the site is at least partially true.
If I was trying to convey anything with the piece, it's that the site's unmoderated and unverified personal conflict and sometimes amazingly exaggerated personal wrongs create a sort of surreal atmosphere.
Good luck with it.
best regards,
James Norton
10-30-02
To: Bob Cook
Re: What's Bad and Red and Doomed All Over?
Thanks for the insight. I'm an editor at the Tulsa (Okla.) World (there's a hitching post outside for the horses) where I edit and produce a "youth section," which is basically where I let a bunch of teenagers take over our living section once a week and put out whatever they want. The key is letting the kids decide what's going to be in the paper. It's like the Super Focus Group — they decide, but they have to write/shoot/review it, too.
It's a lot of fun, and I'm still stunned that the old white men in charge here (they don't just rule Chicago!) let me get away with it. I'm in this national group of "youth editors" who do basically the same thing across the country. We've been interested to see what Red Eye would be like, as we've noticed that, yes, in fact, it might be time to think about what's going to happen to newspapers when our current readers die. My job is interesting because I'm constantly reminded that what I think and do is exceedingly uncool to a generation a decade younger than me. I get proportionately uncooler every year.
The thing is, I can take it. The eds at the Trib apparently can't. And here's a thought — do you know a single 18-year-old who hangs out with 30-somethings, commuters or no? That is perhaps the most misguided demographic I can imagine.
I wish I could get my hands on a hard copy of this new publication. Kudos to you guys for being yourselves and not taking yourselves too seriously. If more of that were going around ... well, you might be out of a job, so let's not go there ("go there," a terribly dated phrase you should never use around a 16-year-old if you want to have a shred of credibility).
Barbara Allen
10-30-02
To: Bob Cook
Re: What's Bad and Red and Doomed All Over?
Bob —
Couldn't agree with your column more. The Tribune is a perfect example of a company that can't/won't pull this off.
So what's the best "Red Eye" in the country? Easily it's the New York Post (even though they aren't trying to be a Red Eye). Paper costs 25-cents, great color, great gossip, sports is solid. They use words like boobs and tatas in their travel section Tuesday (in a funny, descriptive way). Are they right wing? Sure, but 20-somethings don't read the Editorial pages so who cares? I don't work for the the Post, just a big fan of one paper that will, in my opinion, win over younger readers.
Bob
10-27-02
To: Stephanie Kuenn
Re: How High
I really want to commend your review on the movie How High. I think that you really hit the nail on the head with your identifying of the cleverness of this film, particularly the line where you called it a clver film masquerading as a "stoner" flick — totally accurate. It's because of reviewers like you that I still hold my faith in the critical populous; most critics quickly disspell this work as one of Cheech and Chongdom, or of Animal House ancestry. You, on the other hand, really do the film justice. Bravo to you.
— Evan Cooper
10-23-02
To: Bob Cook
Re: Requiem for a Rock Satirist
Hey Man, I think you're going out on a huge artistic limb with this one... what have you done lately???? Please share your feats of late...
Zevon tried to stretch himself with Tranverse City in 1988, inspired by William Gibson's cyberfiction, but the album was mostly dull. At that point, Zevon seemed to realize — like Popeye — he was what he was, and hasn't pushed himself so hard stylistically since. But that move spoke of aging gracefully, not a desperate stab to regain stardom, because Zevon was never that big a star.
Take a stretch, dude... dull is as dull writes.....
10-17-02
To: James Norton
Re: Nougat
Hi,
I just stumbled upon your write-up of nougat. Very interesting and fun to read. But you totally forgot about the caramel in the chocolate. What of that? It's more of a major ingredient than the nougat, and for nuts.... Well you forgot to mention the creme-de-la-creme, the almighty Queen of the nuts, the hazelnut and, her princess, the praline. Put them in a small piece of chocolate, and it makes a world of difference. Can we say heavenly? Orgasmic?
And aside from chocolate, if you haven't had any chewy candy, like Psycho Psours, well, then my friend, you haven't lived.
Thank You for your time
Nadine
10-15-02
To: James Norton
Re: Ripoff Report
Hi there.
I have had a rotten day, and I was searching for something that might be good for a chuckle. So I popped over to flakmag, which often does make me smile, and saw the link to ripoff report, which I don't think I'd ever heard of.
After reading this thread (which was roughly the fifth one I found), I laughed for 5 minutes straight. And there's 75 more messages about this tiny region of northern NY state. What a treat.
Bless you.
dan brown
10-02-02
To: Claire Zulkey
Re: Sea Monkeys
Hilarious! Thanks for bringing back the embarrassing memory of my youth. I remember buying sea monkeys and expecting to see little sea horse type creatures with small kings riding them. Needless to say, I was disappointed. I also fell for the "X-Ray glasses" thingy in the back of comic books. But still, those were great times. Thanks again.
Anthony Klonaris
Houston, Tx.
10-02-02
To: Benjamin Arnoldy
Re: The Secret History of Fark
No history of Fark is complete without speaking of Jelloboy.
In the days when 10 comments on a article was common, Jelloboy routinely would push them above 100.
Jelloboy is the one that keep Fark going in the early days when Fark routinely would post 10-20 articles a week from Jelloboy (which had to be done anonymously since Drew hated Jelloboy, yet strangely was often accused of being Jelloboy).
Jelloboy's history with FARK goes all the way back to 1999.
Jelloboy was voted "Most Popular" in March of 2000.
Jelloboy was the first person "Banned for Life" by Fark in April of 2001. And again in May, June, July, August and September of 2001.
You see, your history of FARK is a joke if it doesn't include one of the founding members of FARK, Jelloboy.
Rodney Munch
9-27-02
To: James Norton
Re: Chubby soda
I LOVE CHUBBY SODA!!! ROCK ON!!! WOO-HOO!!!
In other words, I read the article you wrote about CHUBBY soda and I just thought I'd say that even though what you said was true YA CANT DISS THE CHUBBSTER!
Signed:
Some Super 8th Graders From A Middle School Somewhere Out In Wisconsin
9-20-02
To: Bob Cook
Re: The World Court
Hi Bob,
I believe that basketball was invented by a Canadian. But I guess if one were to go back far enough, that game the Mayans played with the "hoop" hole vertical instead of horizonal might be called basketball (although there was no "basket" per se). Of course, the winning team got to sacrifice themselves to the gods. I guess players have learned something since then because now it's the fans who get sacrificed, or at least shafted by ticket prices.
Ta,
Nancy
NANCY KILPATRICK Writer, Editor, Researcher
Read Nancy Kilpatrick's latest books: Bloodlover, 4th in the Power of the Blood series; The Vampire Stories of Nancy Kilpatrick; Graven Images; Cold Comfort
9-17-02
To: Damon Leigh
Re: The BBC Shipping Forecast
I spied your article in Flakmag today with one of those shudders of recognition. When I saw the topic on the table of contents, it stirred my memories of the broadcasts, but couldn't imagine the article was actually about the shipping reports. But it was, and it all came back. In 1988, I was a twentyish American working in France, equipped with various rental Renaults, all without FM radios, as was common in Europe at the time. Music, even Eurocrap, is tolerable (sometimes improved) if one cannot understand the language, but talk radio is just noise.
So I latched on to BBC4, for news, radio plays, and those daft quiz programs with no real scoring. But for the late night drive home from the bars in Paris to the hotel in the IBM town of Essonnes, I travelled as if by sea, thanks to the Shipping Report. I also revelled in the spare poetry, the mystery, the comfort and the danger. That I was often at greater risk than the worst gales while sharing the road with drunk Frenchmen added to the appeal. It is the loneliest, the saddest, most beautiful thing I've ever heard on radio. Thank you for your wonderful story, even if you dispel the sense I had that I was the only one listening.
Paul
9-16-02
To: Damon Leigh
Re: The BBC Shipping Forecast
Nice piece on the Shipping Forecast. What you neglected to mention, however, was the whole point of the Forecast: the lilting orchestral music that kicks it off, and that you don't hear on the Web version. The track is called "Sailing By," it was written by the fabulously named Ronald Binge (a party animal, no doubt), and is apparently "commercially unavailable." God damn.
cheers,
Martin
9-12-02
To: Clay Risen
Re: The World Trade Center Address
Dear Mr. Risen,
Although I agree with you — as a writer, and speechwriter at that — that it would have been far more meaningful today to see some leader somewhere try to put a cloak of comfort, strength and direction into all that was said today, it's probably not possible. That would take integrity, time, thought and the gift for reaching others with a resonance that most executives and/or leaders simply do not possess.
Instead, because of their frenetic agendas, they often turn to people like me to "do their wordsmithing," a sad, mangled phrase for what leaders once considered a responsibility and an honor to do themselves. At times, I'm able to produce words that suit the occasion or the situation; but it remains, after all, that I'm not the one doing the speaking, not the one doing the leading. Thus removed from that post, I can only hope to come close.
No one can come close to Lincoln: today, not in leadership, not in writing, not in any issue we confront. So I take exception to your commentary on the Gettysburg Address, for a number of reasons.
First, get your facts on one of the nation's greatest disasters straight; writers holding forth on matters of opinion, myself included, have that responsibility. Try nearly 51,000 casualties, nearly 8,000 of which were deaths outright — 25 World Trade Centers, if you will, combined. In an 1863 country of about 30 million people, 4 million in chains, in a town with just 2,400, a disaster beyond description that touched the lives of more than the soldiers — the overwhelming majority of whom were ordinary people, volunteers. (Doris Kearns Goodwin, our historian/plagiarist of the moment, said it was different at Gettysburg than at the WTC, because the people at the WTC were "regular people," not soldiers. She was obviously asleep in 10th grade history class or too busy stealing a look at someone else's notes.)
Second, yes, the address was site-specific and memory-specific, but like all great words, when threaded together powerfully, they resonate long after they're spoken because they speak universal truths about us as a people: universal in place and time. Lincoln didn't casually write the thing on the back of an envelope while on the train to give the talk; he wrote it himself 6 times. No president in the 20th century has written his own speeches, not even the iconoclastic JFK. We have ghostwriter Ted Sorensen to thank for those ones.
Third, in its time, the address was considered an utter failure. The organizers of the dedication of the soldiers national cemetery invited old Abe at the last minute — they did no better than Bloomberg, because they'd hired the finest speechwriter in America, Edward Everett, who made a cool $425 grand a year (in our dollar terms) talking at big parties. He yakked for 2 hours trying to give the country direction and comfort; he gave them sore feet on a cold November day instead. It wasn't until much later — much more distant from the event itself, that people began to appreciate the speech's greater meaning, which is...
Fourth, Lincoln is one of the first people amidst utter devastation to say that what we're fighting for is this: the country Jefferson and Washington and Adams started isn't an experiment; it's here to stay. We're Americans first and foremost; the government we established, based on our core values, including freedom, will not be wiped out, even if by our own ignorance and stupidity. While you were busy counting words in the address, you should have checked out how many times the word "nation" is used — before that speech, and the war, we referred to ourselves as the "union." Lincoln deliberately says, look, we are one — a brazenly new concept back then. People thought of their state as their country; you didn't call yourself an American back then. If the World Trade Center would have happened then, people from states other than New York would have said: "That's New York's problem."
And that's why the address is important and relevant today — it redefined us as a nation unwilling to break in the face of a tragedy so fundamental it threatened to destroy our existence. Lincoln even had the good sense to say it didn't matter what the speechwriters that day had to say, because no one would remember it anyway — what mattered was the sacrifices, voluntary and involuntary. Back then — and today — they speak for themselves so powerfully that we can't do them justice.
It's a parallel that has enough relevance to reach across the years and boost us a little. Maybe that's why they carve in granite here and there. It had raw power and sheer guts. Frankly, no leader or writer alive today could do better — and although Bloomberg may be the poster boy for mediocrity in government, he knows, sometimes, when he's outclassed.
Sure, Sept. 11 victims — and this country — deserve better. Who will give it to them? The sanctimonious blowhards in Congress and functionaries at every level of government whose chief concern, realistically, is getting and staying elected, and whose words are finely orchestrated and precisely honed to offend the least amount of constituents while saying the most amount of weak, homogenous, white-bread, uninspired prose possible? Yes, we deserved something original. Surely you haven't failed to notice, however, that this country no longer lauds original. It certainly does not elect it anymore.
Forgive rambling from a fellow writer. I, too, hoped for something more today. I'm also a licensed guide at Gettysburg National Military Park — and have the challenge of showing visitors who aren't sure why this place and that speech is relevant, often an uphill struggle because most people's experience with the address was the unpleasant assignment of memorizing it in the 7th grade.
Keep up the good work and I'll tune in to Flak more frequently.
Regards
Renae MacLachlan
Gettysburg, PA
